


Going with what I always longed for

by ayellowcurtain



Category: SKAM (Netherlands)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, alternative universe, because we didn't get an actual season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayellowcurtain/pseuds/ayellowcurtain
Summary: compilation of Lukes prompts, the best friends-to-lovers that we could have had in the third season.
Relationships: Kes De Beus/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!   
> I've been writing these Lukes prompts for a while now, almost two years, so this is a work that doesn't really have an end, don't know where it's going, it's just for fun.   
> Hope everyone enjoys it!

* * *

Kes and Lucas have been best friends since both of them can remember. There is no one else before each other. Sure, Kes was always really good with girls, so he is always dating someone, seeing someone, having sex with someone. But if Lucas ever needs him, they both know Kes will drop anything he's doing and go to his best friend. 

Since day one they are close, not really ashamed to show affection. People will look at them like they're too touchy with each other and Lucas sees how people look, but Kes doesn't care. Lucas has no siblings, Kes has and when Lucas comes to sleep over they have to share one single bed and it’s never an issue. Not for them, not for anyone in Kes' family. 

When Kes and Olivia broke up, there were a few weeks where things were a bit messy. Kes didn’t know what to do: he liked Isa and he knew she liked him as well and they were hanging out, spending a lot of time together, waiting until, maybe, dating wasn’t going to be such a drama. And during that time, Kes tried to focus on something else, and he noticed Lucas a little different, suddenly avoiding to meet his eyes, never giving him actual answers about anything, always so unsure. 

When he and Isa decided to make it official, Lucas was happy for him and he and Isa became close as well. The time between Lucas and Kes was a little shorter, yes, having Isa always with them, and Kes could tell something was wrong or just different between him and Lucas.

Too soon he and Isa were breaking up and he was hurt because he never thought Isa would cheat on him. He was heartbroken for the first time in his life.

He is too young to know better, but he knows enough to be sure that Isa could be different than any other girl he ever dated or would ever date in the future. But at least now he could focus on trying to get Lucas feeling better, get their relationship back to normal. Lucas' situation with his parents has always been a bit too cold, distant, and now Lucas was shutting off, even Kes.

He couldn't understand how Lucas felt exactly because they had very, very different backgrounds and families, but letting Lucas push him away wasn't going to work for him. People may take Kes as a very chill, open, and forward type of guy, but he’s also smart and he pays so much attention to his people.

Must be the big family thing - always having to look out for someone - that teaches you to really see whoever you’ve got close to your heart. And Lucas was his person. So yeah, maybe he knows what’s up. 

He has seen Lucas making out with some girls, not a lot of them, but some, and Kes just knows! Lucas never told him anything, but never seemed offended by people questioning his sexuality. Lucas doesn't have to tell if he doesn't feel like it. It’s none of Kes' business, as long as Lucas is happy. 

But, again, he knows better, maybe, just maybe, he has seen the way Lucas looks at him sometimes and how their loving friendship may leave Lucas a bit too lost inside his feeling. He never says anything, even when he heard rumors about Lucas having something to do with his break up with Isa. 

Isa is Isa and he knows they’ll get back together if they can fix their problems by themselves before. 

Lucas is his person, his best friend, the one who he just can’t lose ever. Lucas just needs to know that he is safe with Kes, he would never judge or change or risk to lose their friendship over some bullshit people may think. He would move mountains to make his best friend happy, even bring his dream boy close so Lucas would see how Kes is not deserving of such an amazing guy. 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Lucas is his best friend, no one matters more than him. 

They never had secrets, that’s probably one of their problems. Lucas knows everything about him, the breakups and the make ups, every little secret Kes has ever had, they were never a secret to Lucas.

But right now Lucas is hiding, not answering his phone, not talking at all to Kes, and acting like everything is normal but it’s not and Kes sees right through it. He already tried to talk, ask what's going on but Lucas always changes the subject or gives an excuse to leave. 

Kes discovered that Lucas is not living at his house anymore through Isa and that made him _furious._ They’re always together and Lucas didn't tell. Since Kes is single again, they've been spending most of their time together, but Lucas only wants to go to Kes’ place and the fact that he kept this very important information out makes Kes want to punch him. 

He calls Isa, all the boys and Liv seem to be the ones that know where Lucas is staying. Which is odd, but Kes won't argue, for now, getting on his scooter and going straight to the address that Isa gave him. She asked him to go easy on Lucas and that’s exactly what he’s not going to do. 

When he parks his scooter in front of the small building, he's not that furious anymore, but feeling so betrayed and hurt that his best friend was having some issues, probably drowning in it and didn’t trust him enough to talk about it.

He knocks on the door of the apartment Isa gave him the number, going through what he wants to say. Lucas is the one to open the door, not hiding how surprised he is to see Kes there. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Lucas looks around, avoiding to look at Kes, he knows he’s in trouble. 

“Are you fucking serious, Lucas? I can’t even get inside anymore, huh?” Lucas sighs, opening the door and letting Kes get inside. He looks around, it’s a very small apartment, has shit all over the place, Lucas locks the door behind them and goes down the hall, Kes following him.

Lucas turns to the left and opens the door, getting inside the room, closing the door as soon as Kes is inside, looking around his best friend’s new bedroom that looks just as messy as the old one. Kes finally really looks at Lucas, so ready to talk, mostly hear the explanation Lucas owes him. Lucas seems very tired. 

“What is going on?” 

“Nothing is going on,” Lucas replied, with that nonchalantly way he always uses that gets Kes even angrier. 

“Oh, so you just leave your house, forgets to tell me, hides, and never picks up your fucking phone again and there’s nothing going on? And you expect me to buy this?” 

Lucas sits on his new bed, hiding his face on his hands for a second. Kes knows that things don’t work like this with Lucas, lecturing, and pressuring him to talk won't ever help, not with Lucas, but he can’t stand the idea of Lucas keeping him out like this. They’re best friends or is that over and Kes is not aware? He sits by Lucas’ side, looking at him. 

“Lucas, please, don’t shut me out.” Kes tries to talk slower this time, looking at Lucas. 

“I’m not, Kes!" 

"So why don’t you talk to me?" Kes opens his arms, needing some information, he'll buy anything at this point, that's how desperate he is. 

"I’m trying to figure it out, ok? As soon as I do, I promise, we’ll talk." Lucas looks at him over his shoulder. He looks tired, with bag under his eyes, bright red around the ocean blue eyes. 

"And since when we have to figure it out before we can talk? That’s why we are best friends. We don’t hide things from each other, if I have to filter myself to talk to you then I could talk to anyone, but we are different.”

Lucas laughs, Kes can see a little bit of what he knows is his best friend on the smile, at least he’s still there, somewhere. Lucas leans back, lying against the wall behind his bed. 

“You are so fucking annoying, you know that? I know now why Isa couldn’t stand you anymore.” Lucas teases and Kes rolls his eyes. 

“Alright, idiot!” Kes shoves Lucas further away from him, making him laugh again, laying on the bed. 

Kes relaxes, crossing his legs in front of him, turning to look at Lucas properly. “You should have told me. I could have found you somewhere to sleep at my place.” 

Lucas runs his fingers through his curls, sitting up again, “Your house is full and I wouldn’t be able to deal with you all the time, every day.” 

“It’s not like we never shared a bed before!" Kes thinks of the thousands of times they shared a bed, how they always end up almost on top of each other, way too close, "Or I could sleep on the floor for a few days.”

Lucas just looks at him and nods, thankful.

“Thank you. You’re the best.” 

“So you should trust me to tell me what’s wrong.” Lucas takes a deep breath, it hurts him not to tell Kes what’s going on and they both know it, Kes won't leave like any other person would, so Lucas stays quiets for a minute and then he looks at Kes, ready to talk. 


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

After another party Lucas stayed at Kes’, sharing the bed with his best friend like he already did a million times in his life. Kes is a cuddler, Lucas barely has any space to move around during the night with his Kes holding him so tightly. There was a time, a year or two ago, where this was the best part of Lucas’ day, then went to being the worst and after a few more months enjoying it, now Lucas just feels uncomfortable. This part of their routine changes a lot with Kes' romantic relationships.

The worst was when Kes was dating Isa. Lucas got close to her as well, so even though he felt guilty for the mornings filled with cuddles, he decided to be selfish and enjoy the little that he had of Kes at the time.

And during the last two months, it bothered him more than he enjoyed. Maybe it was all the teasing that came with it once Kes woke up, complaining that now that Lucas was getting all the girls he didn’t want to sleep with him anymore. He was kind of right. But Kes didn’t know about his secretive talks on his phone, for the first time in his life letting himself be open and talk to guys that he thought were attractive or at least cool to talk to. 

So his mind was getting filled with pointless conversations with girls he wanted nothing to do with and late-night conversations with guys where he could be himself. Kes wasn’t his main thought for a while.

“Luc, can you just stay still for five minutes? It’s too fucking early, go back to sleep.” Kes complains against his shoulder blades, pulling the blankets to cover him completely against Lucas’ back, but Lucas gets up and Kes uncovers himself, frowning. “Where are you going?“ 

“Clean up. Your family is probably on their way and there’s shit everywhere.” 

“We’ll clean up when we wake up,” Kes grumbles, closing his eyes again. 

“Go back to sleep, Kes, I don’t feel like it.” Lucas grabs his shirt from the floor where he threw it late last night before Kes could suffocate him in between his arms. 

Kes obeys and falls back asleep when Lucas is finally leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

-

It feels like a second since he went back to sleep and he’s already being woken up by Lucas’ annoying, loud fucking phone. Kes rolls in bed, fumbling while trying to find the phone. He has to get his top half out of the bed to reach for Luc’s jeans on the floor, finally finding his phone inside one of the pockets. 

Kes is ready to talk to Lucas’ mom in the sweetest voice he can manage, where Lucas' mom won't notice how hungover he is. But it’s not his mom, the notifications say that Lucas has a bunch of new messages but Kes doesn’t recognize the app so he unlocks the phone and the app is already opened. 

He freezes as he reads the messages, only realizing afterward what he’s doing. So he locks the phone and puts it back where he found it, in shock, lying back down again, his heart racing inside his chest. Kes shouldn’t have opened Lucas’ phone, that was stupid. But now he knows something that his best friend was hiding from him and he’s not a good liar when it comes to Lucas. So he’ll have to tell him. Like today, right now. He doesn’t know yet why Lucas didn't tell him, but he can’t lie that he didn’t see it and Lucas’ phone would tell him that someone had checked his messages before he could so there’s no other way. 

Kes sits on his bed, putting his clothes back on as slowly as he can, trying to find the right way to tell Lucas. Maybe he should just go for it, tell him straight away and not leave any doubt in Lucas' mind that Kes has his back, no matter what. 

Once he’s dressed, he gets Lucas' phone again, holding it tightly in his hand, getting down the stairs. Lucas is walking around, searching for any trash, quickly filling up a trash bag with all sorts of things that he's fishing in the living room and kitchen. 

“There are a bunch of people sending you messages.” He offers Lucas’ phone back to him and he notices how stiff Lucas' skinny body gets, looking at Kes. Lucas knows that Kes saw some things or he wouldn’t be here, wide awake, telling Lucas about it and looking at him the way he is. 

“Hm, thanks.” Lucas finally gets his phone, but he keeps looking at Kes. He opens his arms, snorting as Lucas doesn't say a word. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know I had to.” Lucas answer defensively, putting his phone on the table, still holding the trash bag with his other hand. 

“I thought there was no bullshit between us, Luc.” 

Lucas sighs, clearly annoyed at how Kes is talking, but he couldn't care less. “And there isn’t…”

“No? So you’ve been hiding this really big secret and there’s nothing? Really?”

Lucas puts the trash bag on the floor again, struggling to find his words and Kes doesn't know what he's expecting to hear either. 

“You thought I was going to freak out or to make stupid jokes about it and that’s why you didn’t tell me and it pisses me off that you think so little of me.” He explains for both of them then, still angry that Lucas would choose to keep such important things from him. Not only about his mom and the divorce anymore, but about Lucas and whoever he likes.

“It’s not about you, Kes.”

“No, it’s not, for once it’s about _your_ life and what _you’re_ going through and you didn’t feel like sharing your thoughts with me. Not about your mom, not about the divorce or moving out, not about you liking guys or whatever. While you know even the color of my shit, that’s how much you know about me and how little of you I know these days.” 

Lucas walks around the table, resting his ass against it, two, maybe three meters between them now. 

“You can’t tell anyone about this, not even Jayden.”

“What the-…!" Kes opens his arms again, feeling so frustrated and hurt, "I’m not going to tell anyone, Lucas.”

“I’m sorry, I know you aren’t, it’s just…” Lucas looks down, his light brown hair falling over his eyes, not seeming like he's about to finish his sentence any time soon. His phone starts actually ringing this time, Kes’ mom is calling, asking where her son is and why isn’t he picking up his phone. She says that they’re on their way if Lucas or Kes want something for breakfast and Lucas just answers that they’ll eat whatever they decide to bring. 

“We should finish cleaning and then we’ll continue this conversation.” Kes passes by Lucas, opening up the windows and the doors to the balcony so the smell of weed, sweat, and smoke can get out as fast as possible. There's nothing else he can say. Lucas didn't want to tell him and even though he has every right, Kes can't help but feel betrayed once again.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Kes feels like puking. Maybe he drank and smoked too much. Or whatever Isa said is making him nauseous. She is quiet now, probably realizing what she just told him, regretting telling Kes all of _that_ after almost making out with him at a party, after so many months apart. 

“Shit. I’m sorry, Kes, I’m drunk and-”

“No, it’s fine. Are you ok?” He gets his beer from the counter, checking if Isa can be by herself. She just nods her head and he rushes out of the kitchen, back inside the loud party, searching for someone specific. 

The apartment is dark and there’s a thick fog in the air from all the joints and cigarettes, he can barely see where he’s going. He bumps into some people while walking, can hear himself saying sorry, but he doesn’t remember saying it. 

_Lucas is here somewhere._ They came together and met Jayden at the door. Kes finally sees a light on the balcony and a pale guy with wild curls and very blue eyes under the harsh, bright light. He manages to find the glass door, leaning against it to open. Lucas smiles when he sees him and Jayden greets him as well with a quick hug. 

“I need to talk to you.” Kes is not sure if he said it out loud and if he did if it was loud enough for someone else to hear him. Lucas and Jayden are still talking, but they’re also paying attention to Kes, maybe he did say it out loud, but not enough. 

“I need to talk to you.” He repeats louder, and more impatient this time, putting a hand on Lucas’ chest and he only realizes after doing it that he pushed Lucas slightly without meaning to. His friend is confused, finally giving Kes his full attention and Jayden is quiet, looking from one to the other, seeming to notice that something bad happened. 

“Ok…let’s go outside then,” Lucas says, nodding his head, looking at Jayden and it’s like they’re communicating like Kes is not even there and it pisses him off. Lucas goes back inside the apartment and Kes follows him closely. The smoke inside is very thick and he doesn’t want to lose Lucas on their way out. 

He leaves his beer at some flat surface that he can find before going out the front door. Lucas is lighting a joint, putting it between his thin lips so he can use both his hands to close his jacket. It’s starting to get really cold. 

Kes doesn’t know what to say, how to start, but he’s very upset, disappointed, angry. He doesn’t even know what he’s feeling. Lucas had a really bad year and he doesn’t want to be another problem, but Lucas fucked up. Kes would never, ever do something like that to him. He was madly in love with Isa. And they broke up because of Lucas. 

_He’s in love with you, Kes!_

Isa’s drunk words are still ringing loud and clear inside his ears. He’s not sure if she’s right or if she just told that to create a problem between him and Lucas too. He’s been acting strange, Kes feels like they’re growing apart and it freaks him out. 

“Isa told me.” He manages to finally say and Lucas just frowns, offering him the joint freshly lit. 

“Told you what?” 

_Don’t fuck this up, Kes. He’s your best friend, she’s your ex. Isa is not your priority, Lucas is forever. Isa is in the fucking past._

Kes gives the joint back without even putting it in his mouth. He’s way too high already. And drunk.

“That you made us broke up. Because you like me.” 

He tried to say it calmly, but he can see in Lucas’ face that he definitely sounded harsher than he intended. Lucas looks down while smoking, moving his feet, pushing a rock out of his way, turning to face Kes again, giving the joint to him. 

“Lucas!” Kes tries again, waiting for his explanation, for him to say that Isa was probably drunk, that he had nothing to do with it. 

“I knew this had to do with Isa…” 

“No, it’s not about her, Lucas-”

“Yes, it is, Kes! I fucked up and I already apologized to her a million times and yet she opened her big fucking mouth!” Lucas raises his voice all of a sudden. He’s restless, moving his weight from one foot to the other, never meeting Kes’ eyes, but looking somewhere around his face. 

“Lucas…” Kes tries to calm himself and hopes that it will help Lucas calm down too. Lucas is the most calm person Kes has ever met. He's a little too cold, too rational most of the time, but Kes though he could always see right through him. 

“No, man, I’m not doing this. Go back to her, be happy, I don’t give a shit.” Lucas passes by him, bumping their shoulders on the way and Kes stumbles, trying to hold Lucas’ arm to talk to him, but he’s not having it, pulling his arm away and leaving by himself. 

“Lucas!” He ignores Kes, pulling his jacket, crossing his arms across his chest, walking faster, and a few seconds later, he is gone, turning right on the street corner. 


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

Lucas has never been more scared in his whole life. There are probably worse things to be scared of, but this is bad for him. 

Kes knows. Isa told him about Lucas’ feelings and he was too angry and frustrated to deny it as soon as Kes told him. So he sort of agreed with what Isa said without meaning to when he ran away without explaining his side of the story. 

He was freaking out the entire weekend. Kes tried to contact him, Jayden and Isa did too, but he ignored everyone. For the first time in a long time, his house felt like the safest place to be. Not his house, more like his tiny bedroom, locked inside so his mom wouldn’t bother him either. 

There was no other place to be, and he politely asked his mom to not let Kes come visit, to not let him come inside like he does since they were little, but she just doesn’t fucking listen to Lucas, ever, and Kes was right at his bedroom door on Monday. 

Lucas didn’t know what to say again, still, and Kes just asked him to pack a bag and go with Kes. He actually weighed both options. To continue to hide inside his bedroom for another week until school starts or to go out with Kes. And he would be out for a while, apparently, because Kes asked him to pack a bag. 

The second option is indeed more inviting. He’ll have to face Kes at some point anyway. They go to the same school, have the same group of friends. Lucas is not sure if he actually belongs to the group of friends if he’s not talking to Kes. He's just Kes' shadow since they were little so maybe his friends just like him because he has Kes to be the nice, cool guy for both of them. 

So he pushes a bunch of clothes inside the first empty bag he can find and goes out, telling his mom that he’s staying at Kes’ for a few days. The older one is waiting for him outside, sitting at the kid’s swing they rebuilt two weeks ago at Lucas’ tiny front yard.

It was all a mess, there were rats coming to visit every night so Kes helped him clean the yard and Kes rebuilt the swing they used to play on when they were kids. There was no point in doing it since there are no kids to use it anymore, but now it's just sitting there in the front yard. 

“Where are we going?” Lucas frowns, holding his backpack tighter over his shoulder, annoyed at the bright blue sky and the shiny sun almost making him blind after so many days inside. Maybe Kes already forgave him and they’ll never talk about it ever again. Lucas is more than happy to never talk about that subject again. 

“To the cabin.” Lucas’ heart starts beating faster and louder inside his chest by the tone in Kes’ voice. He’s serious and Kes is _never_ that serious. And the cabin they usually go to is in the middle of nowhere. There’s only Kes’ bike parked in front of his house.

“Just…us?”Kes finally stands up, nodding his head, passing by the gate, waiting for Lucas.

“It’s our last week before school, so…guess we should chill for a few days.” 

-

Lucas was awake the entire night, staring at the ceiling and the old fan turning, probably on its last hours of energy. Kes was sleeping in the bedroom and the door was open, but Lucas slept on the couch. He couldn’t accept Kes’ invite to share the bed. That was way too far. Not long ago Kes found out that Lucas might like him. Sharing a bed sounded too far for Lucas. They haven't even talked about that yet. And Lucas is still praying they won't do it, ever, but this whole trip is a lot, sudden and so soon. 

When he got up to pee an hour ago, walking on his tiptoes to the door right next to the one it would take him to Kes, he could hear the slow and peaceful breathing from the hall, imagining Kes sleeping with his mouth open, snorting a little bit if you're close enough to hear it.

The fan slowly stops, giving up, and Lucas decides to get up, put some pants on, and his hoodie and go walk around by himself. Last time he did that Isa was with him, worried that Kes had left them behind, but Lucas heard him leaving hours before with Jayden to smoke. And Lucas was so heartbroken that he wasn’t even invited and he was so dumb when Isa told him what she was thinking because Lucas never thought he would ever be left behind. 

Isa asked him if he ever liked someone and for half a second Lucas thought about telling her the truth, say fuck it and sorry and for advice on how to get over his crush on his best friend, her boyfriend, but he didn’t. 

He climbed the hill by himself and because he wanted to this time, watching the sunrise again. For the longest time, he thought he would get over his feelings for Kes eventually, that he would be able to talk to someone in the future about it and find it cute, his teenage, harmless crush. 

Summer is almost over and the morning breeze is starting to get colder by the day, Lucas can feel his cheeks getting red because of it, burning a little. His tiredness is finally catching up to him, he’ll probably sleep for a few hours when he’s back inside the cabin. Cuddling with someone in a comfortable bed sounds so inviting…

“Hey…” Lucas turns around when he hears Kes’ voice, struggling to get to the top only wearing his dark blue underwear and an old shirt. Lucas offers his hand and Kes holds it to get to the top, standing right next to Lucas.

“Did I wake you?”Kes’ face still has a bunch of marks from the pillow, from sleeping on his right side, staring at the wall, he can barely open his eyes.

“No…I couldn’t sleep very well anyway. And you? Why are you up so early?” Kes finally turns the top half of his body to look at Lucas, but Lucas keeps looking forward to the calm water just a few meters down the hill. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep either.”Kes nods his head, looking forward too and they stay in this long, weird silence for a long time. Lucas doesn’t know what to say, Kes has been acting strange ever since he went to Lucas’ place yesterday. He has something to say, but he never says it. Lucas caught him opening his mouth a few times and closing right after. 

“So I guess Isa wasn’t lying…” Lucas freezes on the spot, forcing himself to stay calm. He would never be the one to start this conversation so he has this opportunity to explain himself and whatever feelings he has. He's not sure if he wants to, if there's a point in telling Kes now.

“I don’t know actually. It was a long time ago, now it’s just…messy.” 

And it does feel messy, Lucas is not lying. When Isa and Kes were together, it was the perfect excuse for Lucas to not go for it. Kes was happy and in a relationship, so he had no chance. Now that Kes is single Lucas never thought about actually making a move. So what once felt very real to the point where Lucas had to do something, had to ruin Kes' relationship, now it’s just a bunch of mixed feelings because he had his chance and he missed and he doesn’t know why. 

“I thought a lot about it…since Isa told me.” Kes is quietly looking at him, Lucas can see from the corner of his eyes. His cheeks are still flushed and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold wind anymore. 

“Why?”He frowns, confused about what Kes said, acting like it’s not a big deal when it is.

“I don’t know. It never crossed my mind, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s why I wanted to come here with you for a few days.”Lucas is completely lost now. Kes wouldn’t be a fucking asshole like that, they’re best friends. 

He tries to understand where the conversation is going, letting the silence take over again. Maybe both of them need a minute or two to organize their thoughts. 

“What are you talking about?” 

Kes takes a deep breath, turning his whole body this time and Lucas just turns his head to look at him. 

“I guess there’s no better opportunity to…find ou what’s going on. We’re miles and miles away from anyone we know. And we have a whole week to…find out. There’s no better place to be to work things out between us.” 

Lucas analyzes every feature on Kes’ face, he’s being serious about… _finding out_. And that might be a bad idea. If it doesn’t work out, Lucas will lose his best friend forever, but he needs to do it or he’ll regret it forever, thinking about the time Kes offered him one week and he said no because he was too afraid of what others could think if they found out.

“Ok.”

“Ok?” Kes raises his eyebrows, relaxing his shoulders a little, Lucas only then realizes how high his shoulders were, almost pressed against his neck, and Lucas’ heart starts beating faster again for Kes.

“Yeah…ok. If that’s what you want.” He shrugs, but he needs to know if Kes is doing that for himself or just because he’s feeling sorry for Lucas. 

“It is.” Kes says it with a whole lot of certainty, more than Lucas will ever have about anything. “Can we go back to the cabin now? I’m tired as fuck and it’s too early.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Lucas starts moving, still trying to diggest their conversation, going down the hill slowly and he can feel Kes’ eyes on him while he follows Lucas back home.


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

It’s a miracle to have his house all to himself for an entire afternoon. Everyone is doing something and Lucas came with him just to play some video game, but these days, anything between them seems to lead to a kiss, maybe two, and at some point, the video game is completely forgotten and Kes takes Lucas to his bedroom to avoid getting caught by one of his siblings or his parents. 

Lucas moves just a little closer and Kes puts his hand on the back of his neck, deepening the kiss, but Lucas moves away again, kneeling on the bed, putting one leg over Kes’ torso, straddling him against the mattress and Kes smiles at him, putting both hands os his thighs, always enjoying Lucas’ little coy smile. The things he would do to Lucas if their relationship were just a little clearer. 

They’re still on this blurry phase where they’re some sort of friends with benefits that also cuddle and spend time together without having sex (yet) and without calling each other “bro”. It’s weird so Kes likes to enjoy moments like this when things seem a little easier. 

“When did you fall for me?” Lucas smiles just a little bit. It’s very rare for him to actually smile, showing all his perfect teeth, Isa is one of the few that can make it happen. But even with the small turn of his lips upward, Kes smiles too.

Kes laughs and Lucas presses him harder against the mattress, _so bossy_. Kes loves Lucas so much it’s hard to put into words. When you look at him, he has such angelical features, but there’s also some mystery hidden deep inside those bright blue eyes that you’re instantly aware that Lucas could end you if he ever wanted to do it. He’s cocky and yet so shy, he’s always up to do anything, the craziest, dumbest shit, but also just lounge around, doing nothing and he’ll always genuinely have fun. Kes wishes he was like that. “You think I _fell_ for you?”

“It’s been over a week that we started this mess and you’re still here, spending your day in bed with me with no sex involved, so yeah, I do.” 

“Jesus, you’re full of yourself, huh? Didn’t know that about you.” He squeezes Lucas’ thighs, trying not to talk about feelings right now. Kes has no idea of when he fell for Lucas or when they became more than best friends. It just happened. And now they’re here. Hiding in Kes’ bedroom, with puffy lips from kissing for hours. Lucas is still staring at him, and Kes just pushes his hip up and Lucas puts both hands on his chest to keep himself from falling back on the mattress, but he’s close enough now, so Kes just pulls him for another kiss. 

\- 

All Kes wants these days is some privacy. He loves his family and he loves all his brothers and sister even more, but sharing a room is not the ideal anymore. It’s not like his older brother will question anything, he knows Kes better than Kes knows himself, so he didn’t say a word when he came home from work and Kes was spooning a sleepy Lucas, but Kes wishes they didn’t have to hide underneath the covers to kiss in the middle of the night when Lucas woke up asking for a kiss. 

It’s getting colder with each passing day so it’s not too hot and both of them lost a lot of their clothes during their afternoon together, but sleeping completely covered is so fucking annoying. Kes barely slept and when the birds started singing right outside his window, he pushes the cover out of his face, finally able to breathe fresh air. 

His brother is already awake, quietly changing clothes and Lucas is still asleep, his face way too close to the wall on his other side. He's wearing one of Kes’ black tank tops and his underwear and Kes is only wearing his underwear so he keeps the blanket all the way to his chest, trying to hide how intimately they were sleeping. His brother doesn’t say anything again, just raises his eyebrows once, looking from Kes to Lucas. 

Kes wants to say _it’s complicated_ , but he doesn’t, he doesn’t feel like he needs to explain himself, his brother is not asking anything either, he's sitting down on his bed, still looking at Kes as he puts his boots on. When he’s done, he gets up, whispering, “Don’t hurt him, Kes. It’s Lucas, not a random hookup.” 

And he leaves, closing the door behind him and Kes looks at the ceiling, wondering how can his brother be so smart and so aware of Kes’ feelings. 

Lucas wakes up only with Kes’ alarm almost ten minutes later, complaining, and he tries to hide against the wall, but they can’t go back to sleep or they’ll be late for school. 

“We have to go. Wake up, sleepyhead.” He kisses Lucas’ neck and shoulder, pushing the covers to the side, sitting on the bed, looking at himself only wearing his briefs. 

They got carried away yesterday and if it weren’t for the loud voices coming from downstairs all of a sudden, they wouldn’t have stopped. Kes gets up, pushing his briefs a little down, it rolled all the way up while he was moving all night long, trying to find a good position to sleep. 

“Where are you going?” Lucas whines, but it’s barely a whisper, he lies on his back, squinting his eyes and Kes comes back to bed right away, crawling on top of him. 

“I need to pee and we need to go. Right now.” They usually act like nothing happened the day after, but Kes just kisses Lucas again, and when Lucas tries to pull him back to lie down under the covers, Kes smiles against his lips. 

“Luc, _right now_. Come on, get up.” He kisses his cheek and jaw, escaping Lucas’ grabby hands, rushing to the bathroom, making sure to close his bedroom door behind him, peeking inside, watching as Lucas closes his eyes again, grabbing the covers and covering himself completely again.


End file.
